Leadership: The Hunger Games or The Life in the Dream House

From deaths to weddings, from mourning to celebrations, from academic stress to anxiety about event planning, these last two months have been filled with it all. We sincerely apologize for not posting for so long and we will try our best not to let it happen again. 

okay so now that we're done with the apologies, let's get on with it!

This is one article that I somehow cannot relate to any psychological theory. I can only hope that some of you relate to this and find some comfort in the fact that you're not alone.

Getting a chance to lead a group of people is always thrilling but never easy. There's a lot of pomp and circumstance surrounding the external promotion, but the actual work is a lot harder than it's portrayed. I guess the kind of leader you are depends upon you, your qualities, and the ability you have to adapt to the needs and wants of the people you are leading. Personally, being a leader can be a lot scary because a whole group of people rely on the decisions and the instincts you have at that time. The way you talk and present yourself (even when someone makes you feel so done with everything), really matters. This is because as we have seen in our observational learning theory, the future leaders, the ones who learn from our examples, who will lead the same people in the very near future may model either the same methods we employed or decide to take the completely opposite path. If we're seen as giving up or getting frustrated, it carries on to the ones we're inspiring to lead. 

Maybe being a leader also depends heavily on the kind of people you're supposed to be leading. For example, dealing with narcissistic and misogynistic people is extremely hard. Being gaslit every 5 minutes will take a toll on a person. There are definitely a few ways that you can employ to deal healthily, and it will work a lot of the time.  But, there will be times when it's just not worth your time and effort. It's not worth the slow drain on your mental health. It's not worth the judgment you feel against yourself. This is especially true if you're a woman and you're surrounded by men who don't take well to orders coming from strong opinionated women (And if you're a strong opinionated woman....slay girl....keep doing what you're doing). If you're not strong enough to handle the remarks and the outright abuse, you're portrayed as weak and undeserving. If you compromise and try to be nice, you're a pushover and weak. It's a vicious cycle and one that can only be changed when said men introspect and come out of the journey feeling more mature and healthy. 

Someone very wise told me recently that it's not worth it to judge yourself and your skills and qualities based on a toxic work environment and people who have nothing to do with you and how you perceive yourself. Don't let them take away all the good parts of you and how you perceive yourself. Learn to work around it and on what matters to you, the opinions of others should not color your perception of yourself. 

External validation is necessary, yes, we will acknowledge that, but without internal validation, it's all just an empty endorsement. Your self-esteem is your own, don't hand it over to someone else to nurture or destroy. Even the most gentle of people might shatter it because of a mistake. You landed that position because of the skills you possess, focus on those and ways you can learn from conflicts instead of ruminating over events that were not in your control.

I guess this blog did not give justice to the topic of "leaders and leadership". Multiple things need to be considered and hopefully, we shall deliver that in our next few posts talking about the same.

This discussion was just a little sneak peek into how being a leader feels like for different leaders and because it is such a subjective matter, we tried to get the perspectives of a few other people who are in a similar position. Similar to not quite .....hopeless...... is the word that comes to mind:) 

Not everyone has the same experiences, be it a man or a woman, and we acknowledge that. In order to understand that fully, we will be exploring the experiences of a few other leaders in our next post.

Stay tuned for our next blog!